MISS JESSE BELLE

A woman of no importance drama_queen[1]

The man face trapped in a testicle!


“You’ve got a dude’s face on your ball bag” is a line most men want to hear at any hour of the day, but it’s not something 45-year-old Canadian man wanted to hear when he was getting a testicular ultrasound at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario. Dude went to the hospital because a pain in his crotch raisin bags would not go away. It probably hurt because there was a man in his nut who was suffocating and starving, and the only thing in there to eat was loads and loads of man chowder. And with that, the man with the face testicles one upped Toast Jesus and Virgin Mary Cheese by giving the urologists Nutsack Man in an ultrasound, which they wrote about in an esteemed medical journal reported titled: The Face of Testicular Pain: A Surprise Ultrasound Finding. The doctors explained it like this: “A brief debate ensued on whether the image could have been a sign from a deity (perhaps ‘Min,’ the Egyptian god of male virility); however, the consensus deemed it a mere coincidental occurrence rather than a divine proclamation.

Sadly, Nutsack Man had to be decapitated, but the tumor in there was benign. It’s Movember chaps, Movember (the month formerly known as November) is a moustache growing charity event held during November each year that raises funds and awareness for men’s health.  Please visit this site and help support a wonderful cause.

http://www.movember.com/

Anonymous asked: In fact, I am in love. But merely with the image I have of you. I hope it's true. I'd do anything to be with that woman.

Come on Johnny Depp if I’ve told you once I’ve told you a million times this has to stop! You are a married man. pfffft!

The Prima Ballerina! There’s really nothing to say when there’s a twirling prairie dog ballerina around and it’s wearing a crocheted tutu that I know the early 90s beauty in you wants to wear as a scrunchie bracelet. Unlike a certain Oscar winner (NATALIE PORTMAN), this ballerina does all of its own dancing, thankyouverymuch

Tiger Woods Wiener

Tiger Woods is usually the dude who does the wiener throwing, but at yesterday’s Frys.com Open he got a taste of his own wiener medicine when a crazy broke out onto the green to throw a hot dog at him. 

Tiger was just about to put his ball into a hole when the 31-year-old hot dog launcher ran toward him and wasted a perfectly good sausage by missing him by 20 feet. Just like what most men do after they toss their meat, the wiener slinger laid down on the green and waited for security to drag him away.

Tiger told reporters afterward, “Some guy just came running on the green, and he had a hot dog. I don’t know how he tried to throw it, but I was kind of focusing on my putt when he started yelling. Next thing I know, he laid on the ground, and looked like he wanted to be arrested.”

That sounds like the synopsis of 99% of my dates.

The hung and big nutted squirrel who stole the show and gave some fresh fapping material at the Great British Bake Off on Tuesday. I really haven’t seen a peen like that on a squirrel before.

Five million people watched the finale of the Great British Bake Off on BB2 and they thought they were going to get servings of cakes and pies, but instead they got a plate of hairy chestnuts and cut crotch cannoli (I hate myself a little more for typing that) from a flashing squirrel. A camera man thought it would be real cute to get a shot of an adorable squirrel running along the lawn of the mansion where the Bake Off is filmed and the Cisco Adler of squirrels took that opportunity to bust a nut in everyone’s faces. The hung squirrel instantly became an overnight star on Twitter and YouTube. You know what comes next? A spread in Nuts Magazine, a contract with Peta’s porn division and a line of dildos for chipmunks (because chipmunks are just bossy bottom squirrels) molded from his bits. This squirrel is definitely not storing his nuts for the winter.

via The Guardian

Anonymous asked: Why aren't you asleep ?

You snooze, you lose.  Unless it’s a sleeping contest.

Anonymous asked: Miss Jesse Belle. Do you ever have feelings you can't describe in words? I do, and I don't know what to do with them. PS. It was me who asked about the nipples. That however, was just curiosity.


Yes! Best keep them to yourself, if in doubt read this -


THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER… 
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday 
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner 
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil 
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer 
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave 
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café 
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17 kgs 
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit 
3:00 Nap 
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer 
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body 
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe 
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers 
10:00 Hot shower- alone 
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen 
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms 

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM… 
6:00 Alarm 
6:15 Blow job 
6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section 
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot 
7:30 Limo arrives 
7:45 Several beers on route to the airport 
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet 
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job on-route) 
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par) 
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon 
12:15 Blow job 
12:30 Another Blow job 
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons) 
2:30 Fly to Bahamas 
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot 
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle 
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over, naturally) 
6:45 shit, shower and shave 
7:00 Watch news—Brad Pitt assassinated 
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy 
fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits 
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV 
as you watch football game 
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies 
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer 
11:30 Night-cap blow job 
11:45 In bed alone 
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room 
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

missjessebelle asked: I killed a hipster and now he's where he always wanted to be. Underground

good work 

Anonymous asked: why do girls wear make up and perfume?

Because they’re ugly and they stink?

Good idea for a perfume - maybe call it ‘Eau Bese’.

Anonymous asked: what does a duck smoke after sex?

Many have their own ‘after sex rituals’ - It’s sometimes a cuddle together, or to smoke a cigarette.. yours clearly to oak smoke your partner.

Talking of ducks, a friend of mine was out at a bar last week and was totally drunk. He walked up to this beautiful blonde and said - “Duck my sick!!!”

She said, “You’re drunk - don’t you mean suck my dick?”

He puked on her and said - “No!”